An interesting question, who am I? This is the question that we all must answer whilst we are on this small planet. It is right up there with “What is the meaning of life?” Maybe they are connected.

My LinkedIn Profile, and more formal resume: www.linkedin.com Profile: Nick Hodge

From a duration on this planet perspective, I am 39-plus-ish. Location, usually Sydney. The family travels, and I travel for work — so there are pictures and stories from all around the world on http://www.nickhodge.com/.

From a personal accomplishment perspective, I am married to Avril and have one son, Liam.

I am presently employed as a Professional Geek at Microsoft in Sydney, Australia. I work mainly online, published here and also http://thegeekstories.com/

This web site, mungenet, has been online since 1996. It predates the current hype/craze of “weblogs/blogs/blogosphere”. Historical views of mungenet on www.nickhodge.com and mungenet on webstuff.apple.com. Apart from the design coming a long way; technologies have too.

My personal likes are books (history, specifically military history), programming languages, music; specially music of the 1980’s; and anything that is sorta geeky.

Our family has two Korats (Lucy and Mee Noi (Our Korats)). They are pure bred Thai cats, known as Si Sawat in Thailand. One is named Lucy and the other Mee Noi.

We also two MINI Cooper S’s; one named Megan and the other SCRLTT (Scarlett) Yes, the cars have names. It assists when we talk about them.

As stated, travel has been a part of my work, and thankfully something the whole family enjoy (70 Days, 7 Countries and Journeys in 2005) so I get to New Zealand and major cities in Australia regularily. Being a part of the wider Asia-Pacific, other locations such as Singapore, Hong Kong and Tokyo also pop up from time to time.

This is Avril Hodge, my beautiful wife. If you are a fan of Christian Slater, you must, must, must visit her web site.

This is Liam, our son. According to our friends, he is a splitting image of me. This photo was taken on our trip to London in 2004

As I gather data, I’ll throw it here. It will also appear in search engines — and we’ll see what linkages and comments appear from all and sundry!

This data shows that Liam is a 6th generation Australian, on his father’s side, and has roots into the Lutheran-German community now in South Australia. I can confidently show Liam’s ancestors to 1686: 9 generations back in time; always on the far eastern shores of Fife, Scotland.

From Relatives who found this page, and have provided more information:

• Meet Mary Milne, my Great– Great– Great– Grandmother
• Meet David Melville Hodge. My Great-Great-Grandfather
• Hodge Family History Update — November 2008
• Private Angus Hodge

From research:

According to Whats in your name?, Hodge means: [also Hodg, Hoge, Hog]

English, patronymic derived from HODGE, the common nickname for ROGER ‘fame, spear’; the name was made popular after the Norman Conquest by Roger of Montgomery who distinguished himself at the Battle of Hastings.
Also, according to Hodge
Hodge/Hudge/Hodgin/Hodgen: English Patronymic name from the pet name Hodge, which was derived from the given name Roger. Roger came to England as Rogier courtesy of the conquering Normans.

In reference to Hodge Hill Common: a precious piece of undeveloped land around the junction of the Coleshill Road and Bromford Road. Hodge is probably the family name of a medieval landowner, but this was also a by-name of Roger, used as a patronising nickname for an agricultural labourer, ie. ‘a country bumpkin’.

“Hodg” is a servant mentioned in this 1575 document.

Melville Hodge, son of John, father of David Melville Hodge came out on the Joseph Rowan to Adelaide on June 16th 1854 from County Fife Scotland via Liverpool (County Fife). It looks like he wasn’t alone: Joseph Rowan Search; there were 376 other government immigrants into a colony that had just been pronounced (South Australia, 1836) and found gold (1851). His occupation was described as Ploughman and Miner, and religion as Presbetyrian. He was 51 when he arrived in Australia, had a son when he was 57 and died later in the same year. The name is sometimes written down as: Melvil Hodge, Melvill Hodge or Melville Hodge.

Janet Crombie died of bowel inflammation at sea on the 28th March 1854, only 7 days out of Liverpool. Only one other person died on this voyage. Her age was listed as 48 years old; although she was 58 if the birth certificate is correct.

On the Josepth Rowan are Jessie Hodge (21, a servant) and a Melville Hodge (47, Farm Labourer). It may be possible Janet was also known as Jessie. Where is Melville’s other son, Thomas Hodge? He seems to have gone missing, and certainly did not emigrate at the same time as Melville.

A recent search in the 1841 Scotland Census shows that Melvill was married to a Janet Crombie in 28th December 1828, and at this time had two children: Janet (born 8th Sep 1836) and a younger Thomas (born to Melvil and Janet on 23rd December 1834 in parish of Cameron, Fife, Scotland). Other census details: Where born: Fife, Scotland; Civil parish: Monimail; County: Fife; Address: Carslogie O Its Cottages; Occupation: Ag Lab [Agricultural Labourer].

From Google Maps, there is Carslogie Road coming from a town called Cupar. Carslogie Road, Forfar, Scotland. A similar search of this county/region of a similar age returns: ‘Culross — Saint Cyrus’, A Topographical Dictionary of Scotland (1846). Monimail is a parish to the west of the town of Cupar; and the Carslogie Cottage is now in ruins on this road. By 1851, 3 years before the family moved to South Australia, he had moved to Leuchars; Janet was 42, he was 40 and Thomas was 15. Both Thomas and Melville are listed at Agicultural labourers.

Apart from Fife’s wild history, further research about this Carslogie and Cupar (It is pronounced Cooper!) brings us to history: History of Cupar Parish Church

Further research is interesting. (at Scots Origins) A Melvil Hodge (note the recorded spelling) has a birth registered on 23rd November 1803, son of a John Hodge and Elspeth Clark (married 29 March 1793).
The parish, St. Andrews And St. Leonards, is strangely in the region where golf was invented! The east-coast of Scotland. This school, having similar name to the parish, has an interesting location map St Andrews & St Leonards Parish School and Parishes of Fife, Scotland. The Fife Family History Society provides an interesting perspective on the life and times of the shire, including industries etc. during Melvil’s lifetime.

John Hodge, born in the same parish, 28th March 1771 to a James Hodge and Mary Scot. No record found of a James Hodge birth in this parish (although there are many James Hodge’s in the county of Fife within the range of years, and the only James Hodge in Kingsbarn is too young to be married in 1763), but there is a record of a birth of Mary Scot on 24th April 1753 in this parish to a Hary Scott and Mary Sivess. James Hodge married Mary Scot at Kingsbarn, Fife, Scotland on 23 November 1763. Kingsbarn parish is directly to the east of St Andrews.

Janet Crombie born 1806, married Melville on 28 December 1828 at St. Andrews And St. Leonards, Fife, Scotland and evidently died at sea. On this voyage there is also a Thomas described as a agricultural labourer and a Jessie described as a servant. (born 1836, died in 1854 at about 18 years of age in Scotland — therefore not on the voyage? There is no record of parentage in the database, so it could be a different person)

So what drove Melvil Hodge to leave Fife in Scotland? 1854 is about the same time as the Crimean War, and by my calculations he was at least 45–50 when he left Scotland. A rather old age (in those times) to up and leave. Hodges in Fife, Scotland. If his daughter, Jessie died in 1854 as recorded, did they leave for other reasons? This story about Caroline Parish provides a perspective on the mid 19th century.

Melvil remarried a Mary Milne (born 26th December 1830 in ForFar, Angus, Scotland) whose mother was a Jean Stewart and father James Milne which with my new info comes up in the family, which seem to have come out on the same boat.

Melville himself died in 1860 and Mary remarried a James Couzins. David Melville Hodge left home at about 11 due to not getting on with his step father but he got married at his stepfather’s home.

David Melville Hodge, born 18 Oct 1860, Cockatoo Valley/North Rhine, South Australia. Died 6th September 1937. Married Julia Florence Pilgrim 2 October 1885, Clare, South Australia. (parents: John Pilgrim born Essex 13 Apr 1834 and Judith Brown, Naomi Frost born Essex 26 Apr 1831)

David Melville was a miner of sorts. He went to Broken Hill and also went by boat up to the Kimberleys; the family has of a diary that he wrote about this trip. He also wrote poetry, and was a bit of a wanderlust. Family talk is that he had a fierce temper and would whip a bullock til it fell. After living in the Midnorth of South Australia, he then “retired’ in Adelaide, and subequently purchased land over on the Lock-Elliston road with his sons.

The last piece of farming land on Eyre Peninsula owned by this Hodge family was Section 36, Hundred of Cowan, District Council of Elliston (Eyre Peninsula, South Australia). This property bordered the Bascombe Well Conservation Park on the western-side of the centre line (railway line) that splits Eyre Peninsula in two. The property was bordered the “western side” of the Dog Fence running from south to north on Eyre Peninsula. This side of the Dog Fence is where the dingos where “free to roam” and eat sheep. The eastern side was protected from the dingos due to the fine almost chain-link fencing.

On my mother’s side, one family came out to South Australia from Silesia. They were Wends in 1848 on the ship “Victoria”. On the other branch of my mother’s family, only 2 brothers came out and their parents are not known. They came out from Prussia in 1860 on the “Emmy”. One was a cooper by trade.

The Wends, according to Wikipedia, is a transliteration of Vandals. So, on my mother’s side — our ancenstors vandalised the known, civilised Roman world. Cool. If you know my mum, you know exactly out of character this is!

There is a saying in my family: if you’re German and from South Australia, then we’re probably related. Somehow! Fleeing persecution of a state-mandated Catholic religion (there was nothing scarier to a Lutherans in the 16th through 19th century than Catholic overlords), many emigrated to South Australia. More info is here: Germans in Poland

From The top Shiraz from Down Under by Michael Franz of the The Washington Post

The place itself is a study in contrasts. Most wineries are stunningly modern, at least on the inside, with futuristic laboratories and all manner of glistening steel gizmos. But if you take a walk down the street of a Barossa town, past an old stone Lutheran church and shops selling everything from strudel to sauerbraten, you’d swear the place was transplanted from 19th-century Prussia.

And in essence you’d be correct. The Barossa was settled in the mid-19th century by entire towns from Silesia (now part of Poland), led by Lutheran pastors who preferred relocation to adopting the revised religious service mandated by Prussian King Frederick Wilhelm III. The land was surveyed and the towns were laid out even before the settlers arrived, and every family received about 30 acres. These plots were prudently planted with several different crops, and wine grapes were almost always included.

At school, I spent 3 years studying German. Sorry Herr Niemann, but all I remember are the coffee and cake sessions, and I can now understand parts of German speech. I’d probably still get lost in Germany. In an effort to expand the brain a little, in 1990 Avril Hodge and I spent 3 months learning Japanese. The last time I tried my Japanese was at a restaurant. In Tokyo, my extremely limited skills left me. Luckily the waitress spoke English — or else I would have starved.

Programming languages; well that’s a different story.

As an exercise, I’ve decided to list the programming languages I have known — and see where it leads.

AppleSoft Basic, and Logo

The first computer I saw, touched and used was an Apple //+ in mid 1981. In a country school, computers were something very alien. I recall our school were given a loaner Apple for 2 months.

The more nerdy of us at the school played around with the computer during lunch breaks — and this is where my love, awe and respect for computers started. The school’s science and mathematics teacher was a good guy. I probably owe him for getting me into this great industry.

Included with the Apple //+ was a spiral bound AppleSoft Basic manual — and Logo. Therein began a long love of programming.

TRS-80 BASIC

Somehow, I managed to convince my parents to spend money on a TRS-80. Now I was a computer geek, fulltime.

The TRS-80 incorporated a great BASIC language in ROM.

I remember programming a word processor, spreadsheet and a simple accounting program. Things were slightly different in the early 80’s — storage was a 1200baud cassette tape.

Oh, and now I have an aversion to using the backspace key whilst holding down shift…

Cobol

Spent a week on work experience in the deep-dark 1980s doing a small bit of Cobol. I am glad that its time has gone — although, if I had persisted I might have made millions during the Y2K crisis!

Having spent many hours with SQL, I can see why I am happy that I’ve left Cobol behind

Microsoft Basic for the Macintosh: versions 1 through 3

My memories of these versions of Basic are mixed. The first version of Microsoft Basic on the Mac did no Mac UI coding at all. From memory, the most you could do is call up different fonts and different windows. The subsequent versions rectified this; but its interesting to note that Apple had something called “MacBasic” in the wings — written by the same guy that wrote MacWrite. I remember getting a pirated copy on a floppy from a user group meeting. The stories you read in Apple history books state that Microsoft and Apple were at loggerheads over MacBasic; and Microsoft would not release Multiplan for the Mac is Apple released MacBasic. How times have changed (?)

Pascal

A little exposure to this… also wrote a kiosk style system in 1987 I think — customers would come to a Mac and type in their details — and we ran some sort of competition based out of the data in the kiosk. Tied into this was a simple database system that stored the records. The database system was a C-ISAM package you could purchase in these days.

HyperTalk

HyperCard, as created by Bill Atkinson was a pleasure to work with and in. I remember first seeing HyperCard in 1987 and saying “this is amazing” It predated the web, and whilst limited, the web lacks the simplicity of HyperCard.

Although AppleScript has inheritied HyperTalks feel, was a powerful language that Apple evolved over time. Then they went into this Pink, SK8, Taligent boondogles and never really recovered their path.

Overall, I loved the HyperCard environment — the web is a poor replacement. To do any thing interesting, you have to know too many syntaxes: HTML, CSS, Javascript, PHP (or similar) — and this is just to start.

Wrote a chapter for a book that was published in 1989 by The Waite Group, “Tricks of the HyperTalk Masters”

C

Hmm, C. Didn’t do any Unix C stuff — but around 1990/1991 did some Macintosh based C stuff to keep my hand in at MacOS programming. All I remember was reading Inside Macintosh, learning to convert this to Pascal stuff and all that jazz. Ahh yes, also wrote an XCMD/XFCN that appeared in the above book.

In a lull of consulting work in 1991 I started to write a small Mac application in C.

sh, csh

Unix rocks, and these shell scripting languages are extremely powerful. Created a simple network management and reporting system for the Australian Submarine Corporation (to look at SNMP information from Kinetics Fastpaths of all things — LocalTalk to Ethernet routers) — plus internal stuff for Random Access when they used the Unix-based accounting system.

The integration of these shell scripting environments into the Unix environment made it too easy to create simple “push” systems. For instance, I created a system that permitted end users to design a simple report, and have it emailed to them on a daily basis. There was also a system of “watchers” where people could ask for notification of an event in the accounting system (ie: an item was invoiced to one of their customers) — they would get notified when this event occured. 1993.

AppleScript

Bastardised object orientation and dynamic syntax. Still used today… and I have been known to cut code in it for demonstration purposes. Nowhere near a Guru like Shane Stanley.

Whilst I haven’t had time to work with AppleScript Studio, I am looking forward to using this. The integration of AppleScript and the NeXT object oriented system is a strong combination.

UserTalk

UserLand Software, the makers of Frontier (and other things now) pioneered the concept of inter-application communication on the Macintosh. The language they created to do this neatly integrated into their hierarchical object storage system.

I used UserTalk to create the content management system that created the Fairfax@Atlanta (1996)site in 1996. Basically, I stuck my ass on the line with this system and never looked back. Still have the code on me. Apple really owns it! Not that its worth anything today.

PL/SQL

PL/SQL is the language of choice when I was working with Oracle. Ugly.

VICOM Script

VICOM software is a company based in Bournemouth England. I first made contact with the then owner, Brian Morris during MacWorld January 1993. Being a “networking & connectivity” guy in the Apple world, their terminal emulator VICOM Multiterm/Pro was a pleasure use. The real beauty was a programming language invented by one of their technical guys, Darko Roje.

VICOM Script was the perfect language to create Front Ends in. It had excellent string parsing mechanisms and an easy way to make custom Mac based front ends. Multiple windows, lists etc — it had the lot. What’s more, if you wanted a change: you could email (AppleLink!) the designer. The language lent itself to userinterface programming.

I used VICOM to create a front end to an Oracle SQL database. Using the communications capabilities of the system, I was able to front end a simple terminal session that called PL/SQL scripts on the backend Unix box. Today people would create web-based interfaces. Still not as elegant.

NewtonScript

The scripting environment on the ill-fated Newton encompassed more than the language. All data, such as the address book, were accessible from your code. The language and environment was easy to get into, once you understood the Smalltalk terms like slots and prototypes.

Java

I love Java. This is the the language that really taught me object-orient techniques. This means that my concept of object orientation is Java-centric and not up to the level of a C++ programmer. Never had time or a reason to do much in C++.

Most of the real world stuff comes from WebObjects, which puts an even stranger slant on my understanding!

JavaScript (ECMAScript)

JavaScript is something I wish I had more time to delve into; and maybe I should have earlier on in my web life. Its used in two places of interest at Adobe: as the extension mechansim for GoLive 5.0 and the expressions engine part of AfterEffects 5.0/5.5.

The other small uses I have made in HTML (related to DOM work) — urgh.

More recently, this engine has been incorporated into InDesign, Photoshop and Illustrator. Newer scripts on this site use Javascript and it is starting to grow on me.

WebScript

This language is a part of WebObjects that is deprecated. Woeful language, great environment.

Visual Basic

Visual Basic is a language and an environment. The psuedo-object orientation can turn you in knots. The way that Microsoft’s COM system works whilst inelegant, seems to work. Adding extra components or calls to applications such as InDesign or Illustrator permit quick creation of front ends or data mungers. I would find it difficult to work on a large project in VB as you could get lost very easily, and the language is not very elegant.

I think that writing in PHP is faster for web coding as compared to VBScript…

PHP

Whilst sometimes inelegant — there are some similar commands that have different syntaxes; it smells of C and Unix inside a scripting environment. However, it is a language that makes creation of web based applications very easy. The data/text manipulation with arrays (and keyed arrays) makes the process of taking data from something like MySQL and poking into HTML easy.

The current version of the mungenetengine is 100% PHP currently running at over 1500 lines of code. Its too easy to create procedural style code rather than purer object oriented code.

ActionScript

Actionscript and Flash (with a little bit of XML): hmmm, mixed emotions on this one. The Flash player seems to no do things you would expect such as permit opacity changes on “html” text fields. Strange. The hierarchy of movieclips and variables held in them is also interesting. Whilst the language (at least in Flash5 level plugins) is like Javascript, I find the environment a little interesting; the scope of variables etc, and the addressing of variables cool.

Python

Why did I ignore Python for so long? It has to be the easiest language to pickup, and the easiest language to get something done.

Python is way cooler than I expected. Having “wanted” to learn Python for more than 3 years, its good to get it under my belt. There are so many extensions to COM, wx (Windowing system), SOAP — so it was easy to create a simple client/server upload system for adding stuff to the Mungenet system. The OO nature of Python forces you into thinking about MVC coding.

Now getting into Turbogears and all that Ajax stuff. SQLObejct reminds me of NeXT’s Enterprise Object Framework.

C#

Now working at Microsoft, it is imperative that you can read and write C#. Also, listening to Anders Hejlsberg in various Microsoft settings — makes me respect this language and the .NET platform immensely.

Languages I wish I had known…

C++,  Perl.

InDesign CS2:

Thanks to the product management team, I made it for the third time running. You’ll find my name in the InDesign CS2 about box, too. Way cool. An honour. Again

InDesign CS:

Sometimes, its the little things…

A goal of mine whilst working at Adobe has been to get my name in the ‘About box’ of an application. Its sorta like the credits you see at the end of movies.

In one sense, this is easy to do. Just ask a product manager or engineer to place your name there. However, these seem to be controlled to (rightly) only include those who actually contribute something to the development of the application, and adds input to its direction (even in a little way).

The difficult part is adding your input to an application. Programs such as Photoshop which have deep features and strong user community are difficult to get any significant input that would warrant an inclusion in the about box. Suffice to say, there are much smarter people than me who have their hands on the Photoshop tiller.

InDesign, however, is a relatively new application that needs strong input from our customers to influence its direction. Thanks to a good friend on the inside, the local Adobe office has been assisting the InDesign team to ensure that it meets local requirements and customer requests as much as possible. There are features in InDesign 2.0 that are a direct result of local customer feedback. This makes me proud of the application

After a little nudge, I’ve managed to ensure that my name goes down in a little piece of history. To anyone that has suggested InDesign 2.0 features to me: this is all thanks to you

Nick, December 2001

Visit the new InDesign Prepress Section: Adobe InDesign: Prepress Techniques

Duotones: Photoshop to InDesign

What are duotones? From the Photoshop 7.0 Online help file:

Duotones are used to increase the tonal range of a grayscale image. Although a grayscale reproduction can display up to 256 levels of gray, a printing press can reproduce only about 50 levels of gray per ink. This means that a grayscale image printed with only black ink can look significantly coarser than the same image printed with two, three, or four inks, each individual ink reproducing up to 50 levels of gray.


Sometimes duotones are printed using a black ink and a gray ink–the black for shadows and the gray for midtones and highlights. More frequently, duotones are printed using a colored ink for the highlight color. This technique produces an image with a slight tint to it and significantly increases the image’s dynamic range. Duotones are ideal for two-color print jobs with a spot color (such as a PANTONE Color) used for accent.

Duotones is a generic name given to monotone, duotone, tritone etc images. The mono– prefix here denotes the number of colourants (plates) in the final file generated by Photoshop.

Generating Duotones from Photoshop

The greatest control over true Duotones as defined above is going to be in Photoshop. However, there is a concept known as fake or poor man’s Duotones, which InDesign 2.0 supports directly.

The process of converting a coloured image into a Duotone in Photoshop starts with converting the image to grayscale. The quickest, and rawest method of converting is to go Image>Mode>Grayscale

After converting to greyscale, the next step is to Image>Mode>Duotone change the grayscale into a Duotone image. The dialog box that appears allows you to change the spot colour that makes up the second colour. If you would prefer a monotone, change the first “Black” ink in the list to the spot colour. The curve box permits tweaking of the ink density where the second colour is applied.

How do you get Photoshop Duotones into InDesign 2.0.x?

To place this file in InDesign, the format that we need to save the file is Photoshop EPS. Photoshop EPS is a nice, Composite format that permits us to print composite output; including Composite PDF. I am not a major fan of Photoshop DCS as a format. (ref: InDesign 2.0: Photoshop with Spots, InDesign and Composite PDF)

In InDesign, File>Place the Photoshop EPS saved above. Once the image is placed, you will notice that InDesign adds a new Swatch to the Window>Swatches palette.

From this point, the new Swatch is considered a Spot colour. Managing this is the same as managing Spot colours in InDesign: through the Ink Manager.

Note: There is a known (and you do read Readme’s, right?) a documented bug with InDesign 2.0: it considers the spot colour’s alternate colour space RGB. This means, if you print separations where you have Ink aliased the Spot to Process in the Ink Manager, it converts the Spot specified in the Photoshop EPS to RGB rather than the CMYK alternate. The workaround is to make this element 99.9% Normal Transparency, and print using the [High Resolution] Transparency flattener style. The Flattener will correctly convert the Spot to its CMYK (Process) breakdown, and permit a pure Process output. (ref: InDesign 2.0: Printing Output Choices and Flattener Tricks (including force Greyscale export!))

Poor Man’s Duotones in InDesign

Grayscale images can be directly made into Monotones in InDesign 2.0. Here, we are assigning the Black (K) plate to an alternate colour, including potentially a Spot Color. The user-interface needs to be carefully described as there is a little twist: something the help file doesn’t quite explain. The order of steps below are critical!

1. Place the Grayscale TIFF or Photoshop image into InDesign 2.0
   
   
2. Open Windows>Swatches
3. Ensure that the Swatch, Spot or otherwise is in the Swatches list
   
   
4. Select the Direct Selection Tool
   
   
5. In the Swatches palette, ensure that the Fill is selected at the top:
   
   
6. Click inside the Greyscale image with the Direct Selection Tool
7. Click on the Swatch you would like to apply to the image:
   
   

The key to this process is ensuring that you have the Fill selected in the Swatches prior to Direct Selecting the content of a greyscale image. I do not think the online help in InDesign 2.0 clearly explains these steps.

Thanks to Gene Palmiter for suggesting I write this up. Its been in my head for months.

This article describes the Adobe Support Database Text Is Rasterized When You Print to a RIP from InDesign (2.0 on Windows or Mac OS)

In this example, you can see there has been a Photoshop file placed into a layout:

The Photoshop file on the red-marked layer (named: “photoshop file”) has been masked out of a background image, and saved as a .PSD . A text wrap has also been applied to this Photoshop files alpha channel (or transparency) causing the text in the yellow layer (named: “body text”) to wrap. Nothing too strange about this, however when printed to Postscript and Distilled, the following occurs:

This is a screen dump of the PDF generated from the InDesign CS file above (Print to Postscript as CMYK, using the [High Resolution] Transparency Flattener Style. PDF generated using Acrobat Distiller)

As you can see, around the marker “A”, the text looks “fatter” and “fuzzier” than the text next to the marker “B”. This is the result of the transparency flattener. (NB: in Acrobat, in Edit>Preferences, Display if you turn on the “Smooth Line Art” option, this fuzziness goes away.)

Lets zoom into the area where the Photoshop file and the body text overlap. You can see in the above image that the red outline of the image overlaps certain lines in the underlying body text. In this instance, the Transparency Flattener has decided to covert the all the text to outlines in the lines that run underneath the image.

The effect we are seeing here is the Transparency Flattener in action. In Postscript, there is no way to have a semi-transparent image (the masked portion of the car) blend into type. Therefore, the flattener converts the relevant text to outlines and “clips” into the outline shape any image information that is required to generate output. The important end goal is to generate output in print that matches the designers intent.

To an average observer, at high resolutions (I have examples at 2400/133lpi Computer-to-Plate output) — its difficult for the naked eye to pick “outlined” vs “normal” type with serif text at low point sizes.

How do you solve the problem?

There are two possible solutions to this problem. One key point I would like to make before I continue is that you must choose one path or the other for the whole job.

Choice 1: Convert All Text to Outlines.

InDesign 2.0, Edit>Transparency Flattener Styles… Create a New Transparency Flattener style that turns on the “Force Text to Outlines” option.

Now when printing using this Flattener Style to the Distiller (ie: same process as above), the end result will look like:

The result is that all the text in the document is converted to outlines. When you compare a page printed (at 2400 dpi/133 lpi) with text converted to outlines side by side with a page where the text is normal, the difference is just noticable to the naked eye.

If you use this flattener style consistently throughout the job, the result will be that all the text looks consistent. The downside is that the text is no longer text — it’s paths — unsearchable and to a trained eye slightly fatter.

Choice 2: Change Layer Ordering

This is my preferred option, and when designing documents in InDesign its best to follow a process where all body text in the topmost layer.

In the InDesign document, I am going to change the order of the layers so the body text sits above the image:

In the above example, you can see that the “photoshop file” layer is underneath the “body text” layer.

QuarkXPress Users: don’t panic! As you would realise, in Xpress, your text wrap is based on the positioning of objects in layers. Images above text pushes the text out of the way: creating text wrap. Not so in InDesign. Text wrap in InDesign is object-to-object based. It doesn’t matter that the image is underneath the text, it will still cause the text above to wrap around.

Prepress operators: don’t panic! Changing layer ordering like this will not cause InDesign 2.0 to re-wrap the text.

What is the result?

In this final result, you can see that the text has not been converted to outlines. This example was printed from InDesign 2.0 using the standard [High Resolution] flattener style.

Pegasus Bridge:

Omaha Beach:

Gold Beach (Arromanches):

Brecourt Manor:

Auckland Gallery

Leaving Auckland…

Judith, Emmah: retail therapy …

Judith, Emmah, Nick, Two Dells…

Karangahape Road. Shorted to K…

Stuck in a meeting room, looki…

Luke the new dad and Emmah…

On the Freeway returning to Au…

Bridgework over Auckland…

Skytower, Auckland…

Best record store in the world…

Thursday, 25th March, 2004

Due to the timezone difference, presently only 1 hour, or more likely the lack of decent sleep: about 4 hours a night for three nights has taken its toll. Forcing myself to concentrate in meetings and actively add value. Mental fuzziness.

Sleeping in strange beds in many hotels you learn how to get a good night sleep. Its an occupational skill. Rule One: keep the room cooler than 17 degrees C. Rule Two: use a flat pillow. The problem with many hotels is they pride themselves on big puffy pillows. Instant neck problems here.

I have a bad habit of falling asleep about when the cabin crew start the safety demonstration and wakeup when level flight is reached. Its uncanny.

Reading the my new purchase in the Lonely Planet range: Japan. I have a theory that I enjoy travel to countries that I wrote school projects on (if that makes any sense) Love Actually on the screen in economy. Ahh, London. See you next week.

Sick of forms. To leave Australia, arrive in New Zealand, leave New Zealand (after paying NZ to get out of Auckland International Aiport, thank you very much) and finally arrive back into Australia takes 4 forms. Name, address, email, SARs, Passport number. There has to be a better way! In the time between the Singapore trip and the Auckland trip, the Australian arrival form has changed!

5 minutes from Immigration to Australia. The joys of packing light!

Wednesday, 24th March, 2004

The Auckland Sheraton property has been sold to someone else, according to the gossip. I hope they have deep pockets as the place is a little tired. The hotel rooms are still stuck in 1983, maybe 1984. No high speed internet access. At least BBC-World is on TV.

Meet Luke in NZ. He is a new dad, only 4 days in. He has another 21 years of fun. Men that have had children, and been involved in all the birthing action, remember more about the process of child birth and other obscure obstitric details than one would expect through the years. Is this universal?

I also realise that I am carrying 896Mb of CompactFlash memory to Europe. This is a massive amount of storage (about 900 digital camera shots) before I load them into the laptop. How the world of memory has moved on.

Tuesday, 23rd March, 2004

6.50pm flight to Auckland, NZ. Hello Qantas Club International Sydney, my second home. Almost second office as I run into Barry and discuss business.

Neil Perry my arse. The food on the 2hour 20 minute flight tastes vaguely familiar. Yes, I am reminded of 3 years of boarding house food. The lamb was probably from the mid 1980s as it was tough. Thanks to the iPod, apart from the dubious food, its a quick and painless flight. Arrive 11pm, hotel lobby bar until late.

Singapore Gallery

On the flight from Frankfurt v…

Nick asleep, Singapore Qantas …

Three Australians doing last m…

Inside Singapore airport. Yes,…

Limo to the airport, Singapore…

Adobe office, Suntec, Singapor…

Fountain of Wealth, Suntec…

Three of the Suntec towers…

Outside the Pan Pacific…

Inside the Funan Centre. Every…

Friday, 12th March, 2004

Thursday and flying home. 20 minutes from hotel to checked-in, and through customs. A posse of Singaporean soldiers patrol the airport with their machine guns at the ready. The world has changed.

Whatever you want, there is a place to purchase it at the Singapore airport. The prices are more than the Funan, and the Funan is only about 10% cheaper than Australia.

QF6 from Frankfurt via Singapore leaves 30 minutes late. De-icing in Frankfurt took “frightfully long”, so we’re late leaving Singapore.

2 hours sleep on the flight, and a full day of work on Friday.

Wednesday, 10th March, 2004

After 2 days stuck in internal meetings, and short sojourn to a bowling alley, its time to go shopping. Stod, Lee and I leave the hotel and head toward the Funan Centre: a building with IT stores.

If you are smart, you can walk from one end of Singapore to the other without losing sight of a retail store, and underground so you miss the sky. Half way, we see a tourist-y couple looking at a roadmap of Singapore. Stod assumed they had been stuck underground for days and were permanently lost in the mall underground.

So I got lost too. Too many changes in buildings around Raffles City, one wrong turn and you’re lost. Thankfully, a short S$6 taxi ride and we’re at the Funan. The Funan Centre houses most of the IT stores in Singapore, all under one roof. I am looking for a PCMCIA Compactflash card reader. Lee clocks one in a store on a high level. S$18 and we’re away.

Standing in the rain, 45 minute tough phone conversation. I wonder what people around thought of my conversation? Missed lunch, but didn’t miss lunch if that makes any sense.

Monday, 08th March, 2004

Flight QF5 is delayed by 30 minutes. Something about the engine needing to be “run up”, so it looks like Qantas have just fixed something on the tarmac. QF5 is also on its way to Frankfurt, absolutely full of an eclectic mixture of Formula 1 pilgrims and tragic Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras attendees.

On the pointy end, and I mean pointy end, of a sieben-sechs-sieben vier hundert on its way from Sydney to Frankfurt via Singapore. This time, I am alighting in Singapore. Watching the inseat entertainment, choosing “Lost In Translation” from the various choices. Bill Murray (my father-in-law’s name), Scarlett Johannsen (I am in love) and Giovanni Ribisi (from “Saving Private Ryan”). Hmm, Tokyo in May; Normandy in April. The world is a small place, indeed.

Note to self: purchase the Lonely Planet guide to Tokyo so I don’t get lost. In the past 3 months, the Hodge family has purchased about 12 guides for various cities. The Seoul guide helped my not get lost. Which I think is the point.

I blame my father for giving me professional wonderlust and a desire to travel. As a sailor in the late 1960s, early 1970s I remember seeing pictures and souvenirs from exotic places including Singapore, Hong Kong, San Diego, Hawaii and Toyko. Either by nature or nuture, I want to see other places in the world. The next 70 days is going to be many cities compressed into a short time span.

In roughly 70 days time, I am in Tokyo for the first time. Watching “Lost in Translation” holds many resonant moments. Calling from a very strange time in an unfamiliar hotel room to a chaotic family at home is very common for partner’d travellers.

Sitting at the front of the 747, and I do mean the absolute front: seat 1B, the rain beats on the nose cone. It sounds like rain on a tin roof, but we are in a plane travelling at a couple of hundred kms per hour, on the equator, 25 minutes from Singapore. Ah, the tropics.

Fast and efficient Singapore: out in a taxi within 20 minutes off to the Pan Pacific hotel. The taxi driver is speaking on his mobile, hands free. Also, hands free from the wheel as he gesticulates his points in a language unknown to me. As we aquaplane in Changi to the Pan Pacific, I am eagerly awaiting to get horizontal in a hotel bed.

London Gallery

Follow that MINI in London…

Goodbye Kensignton!…

Oxfordshire, England. Photo by…

Nick and Avril outside MINI Fa…

Avril and Liam in MINI Factory…

Nick in MINI Factory Tour Garb…

Mind the Gap…

Liam at the Tower of London…

Nick, the faux king at the Tow…

Henry VIII’s armour at the Tow…

Monday, 26th April, 2004

We pass Horton-cum-Studley (yes, that is the name of a town here!) on our way to the birthplace of all MINIs, the BMW/MINI factory in Oxford.

The plant is massive, and we gather inside the Information Centre for our tour. To obtain a tour, you have to write to the plant requesting a slot in one of the tour groups. We sent our request in November 2003. As there was a new MINI to be announced earlier this year, plant tours were closed until early April — and we’re finally here!

Inside the centre, there are various famous MINIs on display: Austin Power’s MINI from Goldmember (say with a Michael Caine Cockney accent: “It’s not the size, it’s how you use it.”), three MINIs from the more recent “Italian Job”, a MINI from the BMW/MINI Celebrity Challenge at the Melbourne Grand Prix, and a plain MINI Cooper S.

John Strange is our tour leader: he retired 3 years ago as a Shift supervisor (and well known amongst the current staff, it seems) and seems to moonlight from his pension by taking people around the plant. In the briefing prior to the tour, John tries his brand of dry humour on some Americans and students. Sadly, the Hodge family seem to be the only ones laughing. Evidently, Heads-up-Display is on the drawing board for a future MINI. No photos in the plant, including a ban on Bluetooth being enabled, and cameras in phones (according to the policy document stick on the entry door to the plant)

Statistics: 3500 MINIs per week are made by 4500 people and 230 robots. In 2003, 174,000 MINIs were made at this plant, and every MINI leaving has an owner waiting. 10% are wet-tested and road tested. 10 MINIs each month are taken on a full QA cycle. 40,000 MINIs are sold in the UK; 10,000 France; 20,000 Italy.

We first see the “Body in White” plant, where the pre-pressed aluminium (pressed elsewhere in England from 0.8mm metal from Holland) is resistance welded (press together, forge then weld according to John) together by 230 robots. It doesn’t take too long for you to see the MINI come together from many parts. We also see our first Cabriolet (to be named Convertable for the US market) ready for the paint shop. Even is MINI obsessed family learn new things looking at how these beasties are put together.

The paint shop is not a part of the tour as it is a lint-free environment.

Each MINI going out of the paint shop has an owner. From this point, there are 2500 items that have to be placed into the MINI to customise it for the individual owner. No two MINIs are alike! On the line, from the barcode and the transponder (placed at the front where the MINI badge goes) follows the MINI through its assembly to exit/testing.

Next stop is the Assembly plant. Here, the MINIs are passed through three lines of final assembly: from wiring looms, to engines (marriage its called) tires, doors, lights etc. There are more people here doing the assembly work. Here we see some new “Cabriolets” on the line. All three were burnt orange. A very strange colour. It must look better outside than inside.

Terminology: the workers are called “Associates” (modern day PC comes to vehicular assembly) and the robots that assist by lifting are called “Assistors”.

Once out of the Assembly area, the new MINI is driven to the test area where its gets it “MOT” (Ministry of Transport test in the UK: essentially, making sure that everything works)

Carolyn, the law student from Oxford who works here part time, shows us her favourite part of the assembly: the installation of the wiring loom. This takes many people two or three steps on the line to fully install; its like the central nervous system of the car.

Sadly leaving the MINI factory, we drive back to Heathrow to return our clunker to board BA25 to Hong Kong. Leave 30minutes late across Germany, Poland, Russia and China to land at Hong Kong ontime.

British Airways First Class. 9 seats on this 747, of which 5 are occupied. Each of the 5 occupants change out of their day clothes into the funny First Class prisoner’s outfit prior to departure. After take off, the crew diligently hook up the velveteen rope that separates us Business Class outcasts from passing accidently into the realms of First Class paradise. This rope hinders the poor crew more than passengers as they pass through the cabin.

The announcement tells us to shut off our “games and word processors”. Time to update the script, BA!

Sunday, 25th April, 2004

Arrive at Stanstead from Rome, and walk the 2kms to the Avis car lot. Avril is driving from Stanstead to Kensignton to pickup our luggage before we head out to Oxford.

Connecting our “Ms” to our “As” becomes important as we navigate into the centre of London. We hit Notting Hill, near Portobello Road and we know exactly where we are. An illegal (?) U-turn, and we are there.

Collection our thoughts, baggage and some more Marks and Sparks Undies and we are off.

Nick drives the “A4” to “M4” to “M25” to “M40” to “A34” are we find the hotel, Holiday Inn Oxford. So far, the best hotel we have stayed at: very new. In the middle of nowhere.

What is it about UK drivers? Even though the speed limit is 70mph, and I am doing 85mph, there are Mercedes and Audis speed past doing more than 100mph! You would think you are on the autobahn.

Saturday, 10th April, 2004

I peeled off from the main party today, out and about by myself.

Firstly, off to the Tate Gallery of Modern Art. Massive building. Why do I always feel unworthy visiting any art gallery? This feeling of inferiority stems from childhood, un-art educated schooling I am sure. See a Monet (Water Lillies), Dali and some Warhols. It’s interesting to see the “people” density in these popular exhibits compared to the modern “installation” and more conceptual art pieces on display.

Quick ride on the Jubilee line to see Abbey Road studios (to say I have been there!), where even the cafe at the nearby Underground station is a tourist trap: purchase anything Beatles related here. I stoop to picking up a souvenir. My weakness: Fridge magnets. Back down into London to Green Park. Its not in my Lonely Planet guide, so I am not sure exactly where this is. Thankfully, its near the Ritz and a Starbucks (forgot my coffee this morning: normally we have been going to a little French patissere near where we are staying) — have coffee with some British Transport Police, illegally parked outside. Look on the Ritz.

Walk through the park to Buckingham Palace, then through Admirality Arch to Whitehall. This whole area smells like horse dung. Must be an inexpensive neighbourhood.

The further down Whitehall you go, the cheaper the souvenirs are. Nearly get run over getting around the tourists taking photos of the Guards. Go past the heavily guarded Downing Street. Guarded even though Tony Blair and family are in Bermuda (28 pounds per day, evidently), and he actually has so many children, he has to live in No 11, not No 10 Downing Street.

Through Trafalgar Square (don’t feed the pigeons according to the Mayor of London), to Piccadilly Circus (anything with Circus in the name deftly describes the mass of people) to Tottenham Court Road to view the Computer/Electronic stores. Expensive: directly due to the 17% VAT here in the UK. Back via Oxford Circus, Underground to Notting Hill Gate.

Down Portabello Road, past George Orwell’s house to see a part of the street market. Masses of people here, a looking at expensive trinkets to lug to their homes.

Friday, 09th April, 2004

Quick visit the the Natural History Museum: another sell-out to interactive musueum displays. In an attempt to be a “teaching” museum, the NHM has many out-dated (now museum pieces!) displays. Including a rather rude display showing where babies come from. There is nothing left out here! Victorian era prudes would not be happy.

The London Transport Museum, in the square where you will also find Covent Garden Markets (isn’t the concept of a market that there are small stall holders? In this market, the ‘brand names’ have taken over: Gap, Cafe Nero etc!) The museum is a trainspotter’s paradise. And bus spotters, too. Yes there is such a breed. Do a google search and be very afraid!

Drive your own underground train, and see the varied history of transport in London. The most interest part of the museum is the display showing the evolution of the famous London Underground maps. A Mr. Henry (Harry) Beck designed these maps, now copied by all rail/underground systems. He first drafted the original design in 1931. Management rejected the maps, yet when trialled to great acclaim: they were adopted. The maps are famous in the information design space. His last map was in 1960.

The final museum for today is the Museum of London. A great visit as it takes you through the history of the London area from 500,000 BC to the turn of the 20th century. It seems that they leave the 20th Century to other museums. The Roman and Victorian exhibit is extraordinary. As it takes you through time, it is very well organised. No photos permitted inside. Mini count = 16

Thursday, 08th April, 2004

If you are colourblind, you are probably going to get lost in London. The Underground relies on colours.

Future pop-culture heads up: Katie Melua and rolled up cuffs on jeans.

This morning, Liam and I jump on the new attraction in London: the London Eye. Or its correct name, the British Airways London Eye. Basically, you jump into a perspex pod that takes you up >400 feet into the air next to the Thames in a ferris wheel-like contraption — where you look out upon London. Great for taking photos.

On the tour, we see “Bomber” Harris, the head of Bomber command in front of the RAF chapel — significantly pock-marked by bomb damage from WW2. This is opposite the Australian High Commission.

Wednesday, 07th April, 2004

The big day for Liam: The Imperial War Museum. We had waited this long to ensure that we could see the new D-Day exhibit.

Before we progress, its a quick stop in Kensington High Street where Avril sees Mary Elisabeth Mastrantonio, the actress. In M&S.

Housed in the old Bedlam Insane Asylum, the War museum is a testament to the insanity of war. Having seen Monty’s lavish caravan of trucks at Duxford, it’s interesting to note the continued glorification of Monty here at the War Museum. The military historians of today question the number of casualties at El Alamien, and his dubious ventures/lack of speed in France. Yet here he is a hero.

The D-Day exhibit is great: seeing original documents, notebooks and stories. There are two telling displays: one a letter to a soldier that stops mid-sentence: the writer found out that the soldier was missing, presumed dead. The second a notebook from a military chaplain detailing graves of dead soldiers. Brings home the reality.

The cockpit of a lone Avro Lancaster sits upstairs. Why I say lone as it is F-for-Freddie from 467 Squadron: an Australian contigent in the RAF Bomber command. You look inside, wondering what Australians sat in this plane, and flew over Germany.

In the afternoon, we grab one of those London Tour buses: get on/off, audio tourguides. See the Temple of Mithras, a 2000 year old Roman temple now in the midst of the financial heart of the City of London. Also, saw a Thai restaurant. Maybe the only one in London. Every second store in Sydney is a Thai restaurant.

We are staying in the diplomatic centre of London it seems. We are very close to the famous Iranian embassay: the sight of a famous attempt at rescuing hostages by the SAS in a few decades ago. A downside to living in the diplomatic heart is that there are mad drivers on the road, and with diplomatic immunity, you are liable to get run over with impunity. Mini count = 16

Tuesday, 06th April, 2004

Today Liam and I split from the main party and visited the Tower of London. Probably the most misnamed exhibit in London, there is no real tower here, unless you count the 1000 year old White Tower Castle in three levels. Built for the King of the time, it is now in the centre of a complex where the penultimate height (Harrod’s wins, by the way) of fleecing tourists exists. The original builders even used the walls of Roman Londinium to make this ‘castle’.

OK, so I am a republican. Visiting the armour of King Henry VIII doesn’t impress me much, even if he was attempting to impress the ladies with his large codpiece. Must’ve worked as he was married 6 times; after the first beheading, they kept coming back!

The Coronation Jewels display isn’t worth the 20 minute queue. There are 5 “holding rooms” where you see video of Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation; the Coronation Jewellery is inside a vault, guarded by an old geezer without weaponry. The Coronation Spoon is the only impressive piece at 8 centuries old. We didn’t see the Coronation bazooka or Coronation Marks-and-Sparks underwear. We did see, however, the diamond taken from India, once owned by the guy that owned the Taj Mahal, and not returned to India: even though QEII is no longer Empress of India. Oh, and there is no photography of the Coronation jewellery.

Whilst you are waiting to see the dinner plates in the Coronation Jewellery area, there are two small guns sitting outside in the rain. For those interested, upon reading the inscription you see that they were captured from the French at Waterloo. History is everywhere here. If you need to go to the “loo”, the 2003 award winning loo sits behind this building. Now that’s impressive.

Over the Tower Bridge, in the rain, to HMS Belfast. This is a WWII Cruiser (not destroyer, people) that you can essentially crawl all around on. Jump on the Bofors guns, installed post WWII, and attempt to shoot at the office buildings nearby.

What is interesting are the Underground stations. The Glouster Road station has been restored, and is an impressive testament to Victorian/Edwardian era overindulgence in the world’s richest city at the time. The new Westminster Underground is a vast cavern that houses a stop on the new Jubilee line. Comparing this to the old Circle/District lines — shows how far transport has come in recent years.

So, today has been 4 London attractions in one day: Tower of London, Tower Bridge, HMS Belfast and the London Rain. Mini count 18.

Monday, 05th April, 2004

Walk: 10 minutes. Underground: wait 5 minutes, travel 25 minutes. Train: wait 5 minutes, travel 45 minutes. Bus: wait 45 minutes, travel 55 minutes. Total cost: 67 pounds. Now at Duxford Imperial War Museum; home of many, many planes.

Metro, a free commuter newspaper, talks about the real royal family of the UK: Victoria and David Beckham; are in the midst of a major marital crisis as DB has cheated on Vic. Major front page crisis here.

After purchasing the train tickets using a touch screen, jumping on the said train on platform 9a, we’re off and away. People are working whilst travelling at 160 km/hr; with no “waiting” for 20 minutes in ascent and descent as per flying. What is similar, however, is the change in airpressure when going through tunnels, or when a train is passing at 320 km/hr (relative) within cms.

At Cambridge (named as there is a bridge over a river called Cam. OK, now I get it) we jump on a C7 bus to Duxford. As the bus driver states: we stop at every village and blade of grass on the way through. Now I can see why the British up and conquered the world for 300 years. They simply got bored with the climate and the boring drudgery of small towns.

At Duxford, its cold and raining on and off. At least its warm when the sun comes out. An ex-RAF and USAAF base during WW2, this is now a part of the Imperial War Museum chain: and there are many planes here to look at and touch inside 5 hangars. Touching history is important.

A poignant part of the museum is a series of glass panels on the entrance to the American Air Museum in Britain. It contains 21 planes of differing vintages: including B17s to B52s. The glass panels show a small picture representing each US plane shot down during WW2 that flew from Britain. 7,062 planes, and over 30,000 US airman lost their lives. It changes the whole mood of this part of the museum.

Carrol talks to us as we leave the Land Forces part of the museum: there is a special display where you are exiting a landing craft onto Normandy. The sound track is directly lifted from “Saving Private Ryan”. Various pieces from this display were loaned to/from “Band of Brothers” and “Saving Private Ryan”. You even get to really touch, feel and lift a Thompson submachine gun and a 303 rifle. That was way cool.

The Evening Standard details that David Beckham wants to repair his marriage. Oh, what a busy news day here in the UK.

Return trip home: Bus: wait 5 minutes, travel 45 minutes. Train: wait 1 minute, travel 45 minutes. Underground: wait 3 minutes, travel 25 minutes. Home. No-one checked we had purchased tickets for the Cambridge train. Trustworthy place, this.

Count for the day: 19 MINIs, 3 golf courses and 1 rabbit.

Sunday, 04th April, 2004

It’s obvious once you get onto the Underground on a Sunday morning, that only tourists get up this early on Sundays in London. We’re off to Madam Tousaud’s on Baker Street. Its only 6 Underground stops from High Street Kensington, and after listening to many European languages in the line — we are in. A busker, which we find out later is illegal, attempts to entertain over the din of the underground train and announcements. “Mind the Gap” at Great Portland Street.

Inside, you can have your photo taken with life-size celebrities. It’s very disconcerting in a full room as you attempt to determine who is alive, and who is wax. Some celebs are “larger than life”. For instance, Sly Stallone isn’t 6 feet tall. He’s smaller than Avril: we know, as we’ve been in the same lift as him in LAX international airport. Someone is trying it on.

Speaking of celebs ‘trying it on’, there is a “special place” to have your photo taken with Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts you have to pay a special fee. I wonder who is getting the cash on this scam.

I caused a small round of laughter as I did the “bunny ears” or “v-sign” behind the heads of George W. Bush and Tony Blair. Why noone else felt compelled to disrespect the most powerful men in the world, I do not know. Oh, yes, our John Howard sits in the constellation of these stars of the international political stage. Our PM seems to be sporting a good tan, I notice.

On the way back, we start on our Marks and Spencer’s lifestyle by purchasing various items at this famous store. Everything in this store is branded Marks and Spencer. It’s like going into Coles and only being able to purchase Home Brand, and I mean only. We are asked to leave Avril to shop for what M&S are famous for: underwear.

In the afternoon, its a walking tour with Graham. He’s a scotsman, leading tours in the centre of London: Westminster. Minster is an old term for church, and West means West of the Thames. Now its the home of British parliament, Westminster Abbey (closed to tourists on Sundays), No. 10 Downing Street and the home to many politicians, evidently.

After the walking tour, we go through the Cabinet War Rooms. Expanded from my first visit in 1997, its an interesting view of the world in the 1940s — and at the seat of power at the time, in tense and troubled times.

Saturday, 03rd April, 2004

Up early for a day in London. We caught an underground going the wrong way, but it was a calculated risk. Any train from that station would connect us for our trip to the British Museum.

The British Museum is the culmination of 300+ years of British Empire: a gift the conqueurs have given the modern day London is a major tourist attraction. All sorts of nationalities have to return to London to see their antiquities.

It’s some sort of Iranian cultural festival. In the midst of Avril getting her hands painted with Henna by Kareemah; the Assyrian empire’s history is a couple of rooms away.

Another example of this cultural pick-pocketing are Lord Elgin’s collection of sculptural pieces from the Parthenon in Athens. Taken in the late 18th Century, there is a piece of propaganda explaining a side of the story of why they are no longer in Athens. Considering that all Athenians are working on the 2004 Olympic venues, there are not enough people to rebuilt the Parthenon at the moment, anyway.

We return via Harrod’s. Normally with any tourist attraction, there is the attraction and the store in which you can purchase reminders that you’ve visited the said attraction. At Harrod’s, they’ve done away with the tourist attraction and left the store. That is, you just get straight into the purchasing of paraphenalia reminding you that you’ve been to Harrod’s to purchase the para… well, you get the idea.

There is nothing redeeming about the place at all. Why would you purchase a new suit from Harrod’s? Or some perfume? I cannot work it out. At least one of London’s two Krispy Kreme stores are in Harrod’s. And the Hodge’s are assisting the Diana & Dodi Death Conspiracy Theories.

A quick visit to the Victoria and Albert museum on the way back. Maybe I am museum’d out, but this one just didn’t grab me, Its a rambling collection.

Thank goodness for the Lonely Planet Condensed Guide of London. We cannot praise this book enough. Its the perfect size for when you are out walking around.

So far, we’ve counted 25 MINIs of various types: 2 of these were the MINI Cooper S. The MINI is the car made for London. Its nippy, and can park/turn on a 1p. Even the shape and the coolness factor make it the perfect car for Cool Brittania.

Friday, 02nd April, 2004

A quick shower (yes, quicker the better) and we’re out on the street in London. “Panic on the Streets of London” (sorry, Morrisey) as the Hodge’s walk around slowly finding out where the heck we are.

A short walk to the Science Museum, closed on our last visit in 1997, is a find as we find special pieces of technology on display. We are all fascinated by the display of everyday items. V2 rocket, cut-away Mini, Apple 1, Babbage’s Calculator. History made physical. You can touch it and feel the history.

Dr. Phillip Nitschke’s Euthanasia Machine, used in Australia’s Northern Territory is on display. The software used by four terminally ill patients to euthanise themselves is on a 3.5inc floppy disk, loaded in a Lodin-supplied Toshiba laptop, has a strange hand-scrawled title: “Deliverance”

After wasting time (sorry, editorial comment) on “interactive displays” — my rant here is that museums, to become more accessible to the public, have decided to create these inane interactive areas. You ‘interact’ with the exhibits and learn. To me, it’s a distraction from the history. They become quickly dated and expensive. This is sharply bought to home in the Medical History section where the world ends in 1993. I advocate “open-ended displays” where its easy to extend every 5 to 10 years to add on the recent history: especially in a science and technology museum.

Liam’s first experience on the Underground is to Central shopping London, Oxford Circus. The announcement at Oxford Circus is “Pickpockets work at this station”. Almost sounds like an endorsement from officialdom that pickpocketing is a valid career.

We’re off to Hamley’s which is Toys-r-Us in 7 floors, or FAO Schwartz on London. With more toys than you can look at in a day (although some in the party attempted to do this), the prices were very expensive. Based on current exchange rates, you are paying almost twice what you would pay in Australia. Other items such as food and books seem to be more reasonably priced.

On Oxford and Regent Streets, there is a war between “The Gap” clothing stores and all others — I counted about 4 in less than a Km, and Starbucks vs. Cafe Nerro. So far, Cafe Nerro wins in my book for good coffee and food. Prices not too bad, either.

In central Westminster (central London) there is a special toll on cars entering the central CBD. Buses and Taxis everywhere. Shame there is no toll on rubbish collection trucks: one inches along in front of our No.10 bus to Kensington High Street as we pass the MINI store on Park Lane.

Home, early to bed, as a long day catches up with us.

Thursday, 01st April, 2004

Being a professional traveller, you forget many of the small little routines you run before you leave. Having two amateur travellers this trip has reminded me of the lessons learnt.

Like removing mobile phones from pockets, and the need to throw away anything resembling a knife or scissors from carry-on luggage. More on this later.

Winding down from work is going to take some time. I keep forgetting to forget to think about stuff. Oh, yeah. There’s nothing I can do about this now — so I’ll leave it be.

We’re travelling exceptionally light this trip. 6 bags, all carry-on, between us three. Avril has done a super job in culling unwanted items. I know on the return it won’t be as efficient as we purchase “stuff”

QF127 has a new, refurbished 747. Business Class has the new “Skybeds” as the seating. We’re like kids with new toys as Allison, the friendliest stewardess I’ve ever met, show us the ropes. In the air, about an hour late, and the first thing we do is play with the “skybeds”. Yes, you do get horizontal.

On the work front, reading the Media section of Thursday 1st April Australian. Seems like ACP’s NW magazine managed to get a scoop on other weekly magazines on the Tom and Penelope Cruz story. The story broke at 3.30pm Sydney time. The NW team scrapped the cover and managed to get a new story and cover out by 10.30pm — ready for the midnight press deadline. On the stands on Monday, ahead of the competition. It was a proud moment reading this, knowing you’ve played a small part in the process of making people’s businesses work better. Kerry, I hope you’re reading this.

The view of Sydney on a sunny day is impressive. Why would you leave this place? To see what you’re missing, I suppose.

The “Skybed” is actually a bed in the sky. Had a good 2 hour kip on the way up to Hong Kong. Geoff Dixon, CEO of Qantas is in First Class. No wonder the Cabin crew up front seemed tense. Business Class, at least downstairs, was half full. I am surprised Geoff didn’t come around and speak to his customers. I would have. The Director’s I work with would have, too. Its just a good thing to do. You find out so much more about what’s going on when you get through the layers of indirection and management.

Oh, and these new Skybeds have a normal power outlet. You can plug in your normal power cord into a power point, twist, and you’ve got power. Liam goes off on a mission to Normandy in Medal of Honor: Spearhead.

Hong Kong is rained in, and we land near 6.30pm local. Having never been to Hong Kong, we get lost for a moment looking for the Qantas lounge. A sense of foreboding over the 13 hour flight is over us all. A quick check of the airport electronics store shows me that buying electronic gear in Australia is still competitive; but Hong Kong has a bazillion more mobile phones to choose from.

Hong Kong security police; not those armed with Heckler and Koch, but those on the Xray machines pick up a pair of scissors in a first-aid kit. The question Avril has is why Sydney Security didn’t? Admittedly, they are blunt nosed. Sadly for Avril, the scissors find a new home in a Hong Kong landfill so we’re not hindered at every Xray between here and home, in 26 days time.

Waiting for the plane. No SMS on the mobile, so people must be swearing and cursing at me back in Sydney. Or they are just getting on with it; which is probably the case!

Thursday, 01st April, 2004

The end of the longest April Fools Day in my life.

The flight via British Airways to London was full, and the Club World (I think that was the class. There seems to be about 5 different classes of seats on BA flights, according to the inflight magazine, “High Life”. Yeah, “High Life”)

Seating is a strange forward/backward “love seat” arrangement. The negative G’s on takeoff is quite disconcerting, evidently. I noticed that the passengers in first class are supplied with special, dark grey pajamas to change into. Three different passengers popped into the loos and changed. They looked like prison inmates in their getup. The safety video is a little dated. The hairstyles are at least 12 years old. Even the “mobile phone” used is old. Time to update!

There is an arrangement of three old black and white pictures on the wall in front of us. The first depicts two BOAC Constellations on a tarmac with a local peasant on a horse-drawn cart underneath. The second is of a family eating in their Sunday-best clothes on their way somewhere. The last is of some tourists at a famous Arabian attraction. The world has changed in many ways since the 1950’s.

At arrival at 5.05am in Heathrow, it is 10degC in London, and still dark. The BA captain says that the forecast is 14degC and rain for London. We’ll see. Within 20 minutes, were through immigration and an unmanned customs. Yes, we could walk straight through the customs door, and there was not a soul to check out our potential customs violation. Smuggling, a popular profession in England for the past 2000 years seems to be mandated.

Bob the Portsmouth taxi driver, after a 45pound fare, finds our new home for 9–10 days. Kensington, just south of Kensington High Street.